Hello Everybody,
while working, I started a new audiobook some weeks ago: “the subtle art of not giving a f*ck” by Mark Manson. I have to admit that the amount of fucks used irritated me at first. But the audiobook contains interesting thoughts and facts. If you would use the audiobook for a drinking game (drink every time the word fuck is used), you could end up in a hospital after several minutes. As I found the audiobook helpful, I thought I will write a blog post about it, in case you did not listen to it yet.
Mark Manson talks about how not giving a fuck improves our lives. How we care about too many things. Often things that are small and unimportant. This could be for, for example, being annoyed because the weather is bad or because of an unreasonable fight with your partner. In real life, these incidents do not affect your life. These small things that you are worried about are maybe only a distraction from real problems. Maybe you care a lot about a friend and if he writes you back or not. You spend a lot of time and energy trying to keep that friendship alive. Five years later you might not be friends anymore, so that friend maybe did not affect your life as much as you thought. Sometimes, if you stop overthinking and caring too much, it helps you to decide. Maybe you have a dream that you do not pursue because of your fear of what others might think or because you fear failure. Why don’t you just think “I do not give a fuck, I will do it!”. Then you finally did it. And it could be the best choice of your life.
It is very important to make clear that Mark Manson does not say you should not care at all. Then you would be indifferent, which is as good as being a psychopath. You should rather prioritize what you care about and about what you do not. What do you value? Here he talks about good and bad values. Good values can help you prioritize in a way that makes you happy and successful. Bad values do not. A bad value could be that you want to be a doctor to be admired. A good value would be to be a doctor because of your passion to help others. Because you want to save lives. A doctor who does his job will be happy, while a doctor who wants recognition will maybe search for it forever and therefore never be happy. So, you should think about your values and maybe change them. Prioritize what is important for you and then concentrate on this rather than spending your energy on things that do not affect your life at all.
He also talks about being a failure or being a success. Do you feel like a failure? Why is that so? What should be different? Why is that so important? Is it really that important? He says that metrics influence if you feel like a failure or not. If you feel like a success when you finish your bachelor’s degree with an A, you will be happy when you have that A. When you only feel like a success having that A and being the best student of the year, you might feel like a failure even when you achieved an A. Other people would be perfectly happy with an A. Sometimes it might help to ask yourself if you are being reasonable, and if your metrics are right, when you feel as if you were failing. When I heard that I had to think about friendships. Some friends of mine were angry when I did not write to them regularly and said that they feel distanced. They gave me the feeling of failing as a friend. But I thought about it and I do not think that I fail as a friend if I do not write messages regularly. That is not the metrics I use for being a good friend. If I think about them, if I am there if they need me and listen to their problems, I think that is being a good friend. Writing messages is easy. Being there when you are needed is something different. So if you feel like a failure at some points, ask yourself why. And if you are really failing, do something.
In the audiobook, he talks about a boy who had many physical disabilities. He thought that he can not achieve anything because of his bad health and wanted to take his life. Then he decided to experiment. For one year he will live as if he could influence anything by himself. If he does still not achieve anything, he knows that he really could not change anything, as it is due to the world and his circumstances. He became a very famous philosopher and very successful. Marc Manson says that of course, not everything is your fault. But it is your responsibility. So if you are sick, it is not your fault. But what you decide to do with it, is your responsibility. I really liked that. So when something bad happens to you, it is your choice if you stay unhappy forever, or if you do something. So never give up, because giving up is not because of others, it is because of you.
The last thing he said ( I am not finished listening yet), is that it is normal to be wrong. When you are wrong with something, you learn. Then you are less wrong in the future. If you always try to be right and to avoid mistakes, you never really live. So let’s live, let’s be wrong, let’s get it right next time.
So these are some first insights on the audiobook of Mark Manson. I hope you find it as interesting and helpful as I did. He used many interesting examples in his book, including the Beatles, Metallica, and war. I did not want the blog post to get too long, so if you want to hear more, I recommend you check it out. I got it for free while trying Audible for free for one month. 😉 Just a tip. Have fun!
Love, Eileen
